Category

Short Thoughts

Wine For Thought

My general thought process on a wine bottle timeline:

Glass #1

“Ok. I’m relaxed, I’m not fidgeting anymore. Focused. Driven. I’ve got this. I will rule the world, just watch me. Gimme that homework, I will slaughter my way through that law brief! Simultaneously I will clean my house and binge watch Netflix. Give me a task and I will multi it.”

Glass #2

“Well this show was way more emotionally stimulating than I imagined. Why do I do this to myself? Why did no one tell me Parenthood ended so sadly? Why don’t I keep tissues by the couch? Oh, I do keep tissues by the couch…I should remember that next time and spare the pillows. Ok, happy thoughts. Joke time. Telling some jokes. I’m hilarious. I’m the funniest mofo in this bitch. Yeah. Dropping the mic tonight. Get it.”

Glass #3

“Now is the perfect time to start writing for my blog. It’s been like…three weeks since I’ve done anything with it. I’m so lazy, I really suck. Time to take pants off, writing cannot be done in pants. My dog hates me.”

Glass #4

“I’m quite chilly, wish I hadn’t have taken my pants off. Incapable of putting them back on myself. Where is Justin? This is his responsibility now. I feel the strongest urge to tell everyone exactly what I’m thinking, with no connections between one thought to the next. If they can’t keep up with me, they aren’t worthy. Oh my god I love everyone. Except that bitch, she can go to hell. Makeup removal is not top priority tonight. My thoughts are slowing. This is the en—”