An Opinion Piece on Why I’m Tired of Your Opinions

I loath The View. I only started watching it in the last several weeks, and only because even though it’s a few days behind for me…it gives me a sense of being in time with the day-to-day morning routine of my fellow Americans. But, really—I loath it. I’m aware that most of the show it scripted and not necessarily a direct reflection on the actual moral and political beliefs of the various hosts. I’m also aware that this show was originally meant to update housewives on current events and spark a conversation on uncomfortable topics. The thing is, what is left that is too uncomfortable to discuss in 2016? I read all of your unsolicited opinions day in and day out on social media, and in the fish bowl that I live, it seems that we all have something to say about everything. Today, though, I heard something on The View that sent up a rare hands-in-the-air “Amen!” from me. It was a comment from that brunette girl who loves to talk about how she works for Fox News (seriously, who brags about that?). She said, and I quote, “There is a difference between what we want and what we’re offended by.”

Think about that for a second. What do we want, politically speaking? Do we want to build a wall? Do we want to completely prohibit people from entering the U.S. on a semi- to permanent basis, or do we just want people to do it legally and abide by our rules? Do we want to banish guns, or just have a more strict policy that would make us sleep better at night? Is there any room for a happy medium in America today? According to my Facebook wall, apparently not. So which is it? Do we want to make a change in our country, or are we just offended? Is the tradition of your religion more important than the entire LGBT community? Can we not mourn the lives of the hundreds of unarmed black men killed this year by police officers alongside our grief for the officers killed in Texas? Can we not covet our hunting rifles while also hoping for even a month of peace, unity and lack of bloodshed on our turf? In all of our butthurt, where is our humanity?

I fully encourage everyone to have opinions on the world and our country, especially when they’re researched and educated opinions. These days, though, I’m hesitant to click on that blue and white app in the morning. I never know what I’m going to wake up to—more people announcing engagements and pregnancies, or more people I used to have respect for coming out as bigoted racists. I’m not offended by your opinions, they just make me sad sometimes. I’m not offended, I want change. I’d like to see the U.S. as a unified nation that stands up for one another, who is proud to be an American without the expense of half our population. What do you want? To make a difference, or to be offended?

-Wine of the Evening: Collio Pinot Grigio, 2013

Wine For Thought

My general thought process on a wine bottle timeline:

Glass #1

“Ok. I’m relaxed, I’m not fidgeting anymore. Focused. Driven. I’ve got this. I will rule the world, just watch me. Gimme that homework, I will slaughter my way through that law brief! Simultaneously I will clean my house and binge watch Netflix. Give me a task and I will multi it.”

Glass #2

“Well this show was way more emotionally stimulating than I imagined. Why do I do this to myself? Why did no one tell me Parenthood ended so sadly? Why don’t I keep tissues by the couch? Oh, I do keep tissues by the couch…I should remember that next time and spare the pillows. Ok, happy thoughts. Joke time. Telling some jokes. I’m hilarious. I’m the funniest mofo in this bitch. Yeah. Dropping the mic tonight. Get it.”

Glass #3

“Now is the perfect time to start writing for my blog. It’s been like…three weeks since I’ve done anything with it. I’m so lazy, I really suck. Time to take pants off, writing cannot be done in pants. My dog hates me.”

Glass #4

“I’m quite chilly, wish I hadn’t have taken my pants off. Incapable of putting them back on myself. Where is Justin? This is his responsibility now. I feel the strongest urge to tell everyone exactly what I’m thinking, with no connections between one thought to the next. If they can’t keep up with me, they aren’t worthy. Oh my god I love everyone. Except that bitch, she can go to hell. Makeup removal is not top priority tonight. My thoughts are slowing. This is the en—”

My Dog is an Asshole: Part II

It’s been a while since we’ve visited the many adventures of my dog, Henry, so I know you all must be wondering what other sort of nonsense he’s gotten himself into since being in Europe. Though much has changed in the last year, one fact remains: my dog is, and will always be an asshole.

Free Bird

Moments before this guy was on my shit list.
“I’m gonna fuck up your day and you don’t even know it yet.”

Henry is always surprising me with new character traits/flaws that are popping up as he matures a bit. He no longer tries to escape from the gate, and now he’s learned how to catch things. Before, we would throw a treat his way and it would hit him right between the eyes and roll down his face—he was totally uninterested in catching anything. After a weekend with some friends, he finally got the hang of catching treats and has now progressed to airborne figure eights when catching toys and now, apparently, has started catching birds. Just this morning, he was parading a crow around the yard as if saying “Dad, look what I caught for you!” Of course we were mildly horrified (because germs, duh), but all the same a little proud. We cannot take him to a city center of any kind without him trying to chase down a pigeon, and if you know anything about large cities, you know that pigeons are evil. They taunt Henry, they know he’s on a lease and can’t get to him. One day during café time, Henry wedged himself between the legs of a patio table (see above picture). I thought “So be it, it will take him more time to wiggle out and he’ll be out of my way.” Then a bird came. The table went up, and then came down. Many cups were broken and coffee wasted. SINFUL. 

Whine About It


Henry is a relatively quiet dog and hardly barks. However, as soon as he hears other dogs barking, people driving up to the gate, rolls of wrapping paper falling over or fireworks in the mountains on random days, he starts to whine and cry. This sound has got to be one that fills some circle of hell. Sometimes I think he’s the biggest pussy in the world, or perhaps just the most stressed out dog I’ve ever met. The neighborhood dogs will go crazy around 3 a.m. when their Italian owners make it back from dinner, and cues Henry to cry, whine, and whimper until I wake up and threaten his life. It’s not just a high pitch cry either, it’s a deep throated growl-whine that goes right through me and makes me think evil thoughts. He’s very close to being voted off our bedroom island.


The weirdest and most annoying habit Henry has: his eating habits. He won’t eat if we aren’t home…I guess it’s a survival instinct? Or he just doesn’t trust us to come back. When we are home, he still won’t go downstairs (where his food is) without us, much less go somewhere in the house where we aren’t. He’s always wanting to feel included; if we’re on the couch, he brings mouthfuls of food to the couch to eat. Same with under the table or under our feet at the barstools. This would be humorous and cute if it weren’t for the pebbles of dog food that he drops along the way. I’m constantly stepping on stray food that he’s forgotten and left behind. A side story to this: on Thanksgiving we put the turkey giblets in his bowl, assuming that he’d love the protein filled goodness. We chopped it all up and mixed it in well so he wouldn’t just graze from the top. Henry proceeded to pick out every piece of giblet and take it somewhere else in the house until his bowl was giblet free before he ate his normal food. He was not about that shit.

Tunnel Vision

"This is my throne, where I judge you all."
“This is my throne, where I judge you all.”

Our yard is closed in by a fence that has shrubs grown in front of it. The shrubs give us privacy and the illusion that we’re living in our own oasis of sorts. That is, until Henry ruined the illusion and trampled all over our privacy. Henry has tunneled his way through all of the shrubs. The ones to the left and right have neighboring dogs on the other side, so he usually camps out to say hello or a casual “fuck you guys, bark English.” This is also where he takes all of our fire kindling to chew on, as well as under his palm tree where he perches like the king of the jungle. The shrubs in the front, that once concealed Via Tore 33, has now been worn away in spots from Henry making little windows to creep on passerby’s. This is a new development, discovered by our neighbor who says Henry stalks them all the way down the fence when she takes her trash to the dumpster.


In the last edition of My Dog is an Asshole, I mentione

d Lelephant and Henry’s attachment to her corpse. I regret to inform everyone that we finally had to lay the shell of that furry elephant to rest last week after an unfortunate shredding by a visiting pup. Henry is still in mourning.

Exactly Where I Need to Be–2015 in Review

I’ll never forget, even after over two years have passed, the moment that I realized my entire life was about to change. It wasn’t when Justin picked orders for Gaeta, it wasn’t when when said “I do” or even when he proposed. The moment my world started shifting was during a phone call with him. I was standing in the side dining room at 12 West, just minutes away from clocking in for the dinner shift, when Justin called to tell me that he was put up for a transfer to the USS Donald Cook. The Cook, he told me, was set to move ports from Norfolk to Rota, Spain. Spain! I’m not sure if in that moment I fully accepted that he was handing me an invitation of sorts, but I knew that I loved him and that whether I went or stayed, I wasn’t going to be the same person anymore.

Fast forward, and the first scenarios played out. Justin proposed weeks later with a travel guide to Spain in hand, asking me to see the world with him. Sometime soon after our marriage, he picked his next orders to Gaeta, Italy, where we’re currently residing. Nothing about myself seems to be the same as it was that moment before I picked up my phone at the restaurant—and trust me, I’ve had a lot of time to think about who I am and where I’m headed and who I used to be. That’s what I’m choosing to take away from 2015…that no matter what happened or didn’t pan out, I’m different, my life is different, my marriage is different. I choose to see that despite any disappointments this year, change is good, because it means I’m moving forward.

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Villa Clemons—We Won’t Leave the Light On For You

The worst trouble I’ve ever been in while living at home was the time I turned down the air conditioning. One hot, humid, unbearable July afternoon, I wanted to blow-dry my hair without needing to shower again after from the sweat that was sure to take over my life. Ladies, you know the struggle. The problem was that I forgot to put the a/c back to its original 82 degrees before leaving the house, and received a phone call hours later from my very angry father. If I remember correctly, he told me that it was the most disrespectful thing I’d ever done (in hindsight, the was before I was in college, so I’m sure I’ve done more disrespectful things since then). Perhaps to some of you, this will sound ridiculous, fabricated or extreme. However, if any of you grew up with frugal parents, you’re nodding along like “Mmmmmhmm. Been there. Got that lecture.” Now, as a pretend adult adulting pretty hard, I get it. I’m a utilities miser.

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BFF’s–Bathroom Friends Forever

You’ve had a few vodka tonics…or five. Your favorite song has been played by the DJ once or twice, and your feet have been hurting since before you left your house. Your cleavage is sticky from spilled drinks, either by your own devising or your wing-gal.  You maybe have cried already, be it was in a secluded booth with your besties, or in a bathroom with a very random, very drunk girl. This girl is your best friend, and this girl is you.

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When Goodbye is not “Goodbye”

IMG_5408I’ve had to say “goodbye” a lot in life for forever, I’m sure a lot of us have; for me, to several friends who have disappeared way before their time, or to family members who have lived a full and happy life. However, once you have attached yourself to the military—be it signing on the blue line or on the marriage certificate—you begin to see goodbyes a little bit differently. Commands usually have a two to three year commitment, so depending on when you show up to your new command and when you leave, you will have to say “see you next time” to more people than you care to keep track of. Some of it becomes routine, but other times it takes a piece of you with them.

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Things I Did Instead of Studying

Classes have started again for this Rambler, and I’m very excited to continue my quest for knowledge and a degree that means nothing in this new world we’re living in. In high school and junior college, I was one of those students who could basically get by without studying or doing much of anything except showing up to class (my consciousness for said class may or may not have been accounted for). I had a rude awakening after transferring to SLU, since studying is sort of necessary for passing classes at that kind of institution. I had…means…of making up for my lack of motivation, and somehow I made it through with solid Cs (they get the degrees). Now, however, I have no such means and I still have yet to find much motivation. So here I am, day three into class, and instead of studying I have been busy with other things. For instance…

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I Care About Politics Right Now and So Should You

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image found on

I’ve been bored a lot lately, especially since Justin moved back onto the Mt. Whitney where a cellphone signal goes to die. I know I could be out exploring the world and stuff, but of course I’ve found myself with my laptop and an alcoholic beverage in hand. Why would you expect any more from me? Somehow, I found myself knee deep in political news articles. It’s not a hard thing to do these days after the circus that is the 2016 Presidential Election has begun. I say “begun” but really I’m several years behind, and so are you. Why? Because you shouldn’t be voting on anyone based off of their political party. No, not at all. You should be voting on a politician based off of your beliefs and what they are doing to protect them. However, you can’t trust what a politician says about gun control, abortion, foreign policy, immigration laws, etc. based off of what they said in their last press conference. Instead, you must look at what is in black and white: their voting history.

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